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READ THIS FIRST!!! This story, like all of the other stories written by us,
is a fictional parody, we write these fictitious stories for fun and because
we can. The Supreme Court of the United States has ruled that parodies
involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United
States Constitution (ruling occurred as a result of the case "Hustler
Magazine, Inc et al vs. Jerry Falwell" in 1988).

Basically what we are saying THIS IS FICTON, it is not true, didn't happened
and there's a good chance it won't ever happen!

Now... Kristi and Dice present:

Crazy In Lust
by Kristi (
and Frederick "Dice" Casden (

Backstage at the DCU Center in Worchester, Massachusetts, on the November 2,
2009 edition of Monday Night RAW, following the in-ring segment "RAW's Got
Talent" parodying the NBC hit contest show "America's Got Talent", the Guest
Hosts for Monday Night RAW, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, are walking down the
hallway as the couple is making their way back to the designated office for
the Guest Hosts.

Sharon Osbourne, the long-time wife and talent manager of Ozzy, turns to look
at her husband, "Ozzy! Did you believe that blond haired bitch had the nerve
to get into my face!" The feisty Sharon Osbourne says in her British accent,
"It's a good thing I slapped that little tramp!"

Ozzy Osbourne, the legendary Heavy Metal recording artist, looks as Sharon,
"That... I could not believe it... it was like pow...but I did not get that
guy that bit the head off of a toy... what the bloody hell was he trying to
do?" Ozzy asks with his always-surprising low-key style of speaking.

Sharon places her hand onto her husband's back and laughs "Ozzy, dear, what
that silly little man was trying to do was impersonate you...when you bite
the head off of the bloody bat!" Sharon replies as she glances over at Ozzy.
"You remember that, right?" Sharon asks before shaking her head as Ozzy looks
at her with confusion "Oh bloody forget it Ozzy.."

"What?" Ozzy looks at Sharon and tilts his head slightly, "I... I don't
remember... I really did that?" Ozzy asks before smiling a bit, "Fuckin'

Sharon sighs and nods her head "Yes Ozzy and it was bloody disgusting!"
Sharon replies as she walks alongside her husband, Ozzy Osbourne, down the
hallway in the direction of their office for the evening as Monday Night
RAW's Guest Hosts. "But I'll tell you Ozzy...that Chris Masters with the
bouncing breasts! He was unbelievably hot!"

"That man needs a fucking bra... his boobs were bigger than... than the two
boobs who ruined my song..." Ozzy replies, "That big... massive guy... was
real delight... never met someone that big..." Ozzy adds as he and Sharon get
closer to their office. "Did you see his hands? Fucking huge is what they

"Oh yes Ozzy! He would make a great boyfriend for our Kelly..." Sharon agrees
and then smiles "Oh and that bloody adorable little man dressed up as

"I thought that was Jack..." Ozzy replies causing Sharon to look at him to
see if he is serious about what he just said.

"Ozzy! Our Jack isn't that short!" Sharon replies, affectingly snapping at
her husband as the couple approaches the door to their Guest Host office.

"He isn't? Bloody hell looked liked him..." Ozzy replies as Sharon opens the
door to their Guest Host Office.

Sharon Osbourne smiles and lightly laughs " know tonight was a
bloody blast!" Sharon says as she enters the office with Ozzy following in
behind his wife.

"Abso-fucking-lutley..." Ozzy nods his head as he steps into the office and
he sees Jack Swagger, wearing his black and red wrestling attire, sitting on
the couch. "Who the bloody hell are you?" Ozzy asks.

Jack smirks as he stands up, "I'm Jack Swagger, the All-American
American...." Jack replies with his familiar lisp.

Ozzy raises an eyebrow, "Sharon.... what the hell did he say?" Ozzy asks.

Sharon presses her lips together and nods her head slightly "Ozzy...I believe
he said his name was Jack Swagger and he was the All-American American...
whatever the bloody hell that means." Sharon replies with a shake of her head
as she closes the office door.

Jack smirks, "It means I'm the most talented Superstar in the entire WWE..."
Jack says.

Ozzy looks at Jack Swagger as if he has two heads, "And people, they say they
can't understand me..." Ozzy says as the door to the office is suddenly
opened after Sharon steps away from it and the United States Champion The
Miz, wearing red wrestling tights, enters.

"Whoa hold up, I need to talk to..." The Miz pauses when he sees Jack
Swagger, "Oh look it's the All-American dork..." The Miz says before he looks
at Sharon, "Hey what's the deal with you putting me in that match with Evan

"I thought he name was Evan Braun..." Ozzy Osbourne says.

Sharon folds her arms against her chest and sternly looks at The Miz "What
can I help you with little man?" Sharon asks with slight glare directed at
the loud-mouthed United States Champion.

"Little man? You just called me little man? Really?" The Miz asks as he puts
his hands on his waist.

Sharon nods her head "Really..."

The Miz shakes his head, "REALLY?!

Sharon places her hands onto her hips and turns to face The Miz, firmly
locking her eyes with him "Really, little man!" Sharon snaps back in her
usual sassy and feisty tone.

"Hey Miz... stop it before you humiliate yourself... oops too late..." Jack
Swagger smirks.

The Miz looks at Jack, "Oh you're one to talk...last I check you caused Eve
to lose that little battle royal tonight..." Miz says.

Jack smirks, "I can't help it if she can't keep her eyes off of me... every
time she sees you she wants to throw up..."

Ozzy shakes his head, "You two are fucking twits..." Ozzy says.

"Hey I'm not a twit... I'm the Miz and I'm..." The Miz starts to say before
Jack Swagger cuts him off.

"Nothing when compared to the All-American American..." Jack smirks.

"Don't EVER interrupt me when I'm about to say I'm AWE-SOME!" The Miz snaps.

"Shut up! Both of you would you bloody shut the fuck up!" Sharon Osbourne
yells instantly silencing The Miz and Jack Swagger. Sharon sighs and shakes
her head "Don't you two little boys know anything!?" Sharon snaps "Oh bloody
hell...if you two want to make an impression on someone you need to make a
bloody fucking impact!"

"I'm all about making an impact... in fact I'm going to that right now..."
Jack Swagger smirks before he pushes past The Miz to head to the office door.

"You don't know anything about making an impact... I'll make a huge one..."
The Miz says as he follows Jack out of the office.

Once they leave, Ozzy looks at Sharon, "Who the bloody hell was that?"

* * *

A short time later, Eve Torres, wearing a purple top and black bottoms, has
finished a photo shoot for to feature her latest wrestling attire. As
she's about to head to the Divas Locker Room to shower and get changed, Jack
Swagger comes around the corner, "Hey..." Swagger smirks.

Eve Torres jumps slightly and then looks up at Jack Swagger. "Ummm...hi..."
Eve replies, clearly not pleased to see the All-American American.

Swagger continues to smirk at Eve, "Listen about earlier...I just out there
to cheer you on... cause you are as I like to say, an All-American beauty..."
Swagger says.

Eve raises an eyebrow and folds her arms against her chest, glancing up at
Jack Swagger "I was winning out cost me a shot at the Divas

"I didn't tell you to look at me.... and that says a lot if you want to look
at me... cause I am the All-American America..." Jack Swagger grins as The
Miz comes around the corner.

"Oh PUH-lease! You're trying to make an impact on Eve?" The Miz laughs, "She
likes guys with gold... like me, The Miz, who just happens to be the United
States Champion!" The Miz smirks.

Eve raises an eyebrow as she turns her head to glance at The Miz "Umm...Miz I
don't know where you got your information, but I'm not..." Eve begins to

The Miz smirks at Eve, "Hey you want to be the Divas Champion... you got to
hang with Champions... not chumps like tiny dick here..." The Miz says as he
points at Swagger.

"Hey I got a bigger dick than you... and I am a former ECW Champion..." Jack
Swagger snaps back.

"Yeah former Champion... I'm a CURRENT Champion... score one for me cause I'm
AWE-SOME!" The Miz smirks.

Eve raises her hands up slightly "Guys...guys...ummm let me just save you two
all the arguing, but I'm not interested..." Eve Torres begins to reply once

"Of course you're not interested in him..." The Miz and Jack Swagger both say
at the same time.

"Cause I'm simply AWE-SOME!" The Miz says as he pulls Eve towards himself.

"I'm the best all around athlete the WWE has ever seen..." Jack says as he
pulls Eve from The Miz and towards himself.

"Whoa...whoa...whoa...guys...easy..." Eve Torres says as she is pulled back
and forth between The Miz and Jack Swagger as both RAW Superstars have a hand
on one of her arms.

"Jack face it... you are a loser... with a big L cause Eve wants gold and
guy's who got gold and big dicks like this..." The Miz says as he uses his
free hand to push down his trunks in order to pull out his thick cock.

"Listen up chubby, I'm in great shape, I will be a Champion sooner than you
think, and I'm more hung than you are!" Jack snaps as he lowers the straps of
his wrestling attire and pushes it down to let out his long cock as if to
make his point to the Miz. Eve presses her sultry, pouty and moist together
as she stands between the exposed cocks of Jack Swagger and The Miz. Eve's
beautiful eyes widen as she happens to glance down at The Miz's cock first,
followed by looking at Jack Swagger's cock second.

"You won't be a Champion on RAW I can guarantee that..." The Miz smirks.

"Wait till I get a shot at you fat boy..." Swagger snaps back as both men
aren't paying attention to Eve as she looks down at their cocks, seeing that
Miz's is thicker but Swagger's is longer. Eve raises an eyebrow and glances
back and forth between the All-American American Jack Swagger and the United
States Champion The Miz as they are focused and engaged in their argument to
notice Eve licking her lips hungrily as she glances at both exposed cocks.

"Fat boy? Really Jack? REALLY?!" The Miz smirks and rolls his eyes.

"Yeah really!" Jack snaps and he's about to say something else when Eve put
her right hand on his cock at the same time she puts her left hand on Miz's
shaft. Eve bites down on her bottom lip as she quietly begins to move her
right hand along Jack Swagger's nicely long and hardening cock while she
moves her left hand on The Miz's nicely thick and hardening cock before the
sultry RAW Diva proceeds to lower herself down onto her knees between them.

"Mmmmmm don't waste your time with him Eve..." The Miz moans as Eve strokes
his cock with her left hand.

"Ahhh ahhhh..." Jack moans as he looks down at Eve as she moves her right
hand on his long dick.

Eve playfully glances up at The Miz and then glances at Jack Swagger "It's
about time you two actually shut up..." Eve replies with a cute laugh as she
smoothly moves her soft, skilled hands against both of their hard cocks. Eve
turns her head to the right and flicks her tongue against the large head of
Swagger's cock, before turning her head then to the left and flicking her
tongue against the swollen head of The Miz's cock.

"Ahhhhh fuck..." Jack moans as Eve flicks her tongue against the swollen head
of his long and hard cock.

"Bring that tongue back over here..." The Miz smirks just before Eve turns
her head to flick her tongue against the head of his shaft again. Eve closes
her eyes and tenderly flicks her tongue against The Miz's piss-slit while
moving her head smoothly on his shaft. Eve turns her head back to Swagger's
cock and gently circles her tongue on the head of his cock while moving her
other hand on his long shaft.

"Yeah like that..." Jack moans as she licks hand strokes his cock while
pulling The Miz's cock closer. Eve turns her brunette head back to The Miz's
cock and parts her pouty lips before taking the head of The Miz's cock into
her mouth and gently wrapping her lips around his cock head, before starting
to lightly bob her head. Eve perfectly and smoothly moves her right hand
along the impressively lengthy cock of Jack Swagger.

"Mmmmm fuck yeah suck that awesome cock...." The Miz moans and closes his
eyes as Eve bobs her head at a smooth pace on his cock. Jack Swagger takes a
step slightly to his left causing the head of his cock to bump against Eve's
right cheek as her right hand goes back and forth on his long shaft. Eve
smoothly bobs her head on the top of The Miz's cock, with her pouty lips
gently brushing against his shaft before she lifts her head and turns her
head to the right with her mouth opened and happily taking Jack Swagger's
cock into her nicely wet, sultry mouth.

"Mmmmm ahhhh..." Jack Swagger groans as Eve starts to bob her head on his
long cock.

The Miz smirks, "Eve is gonna get stuffed with some Miz-Meat before she gets
that skinny dick in her..." The Miz says as he moves around behind Eve. He
pulls the smoking hot Diva up from the ground and pulls down her bottoms,
exposing her juicy round ass and the cocky United States Champion pushes his
cock into Eve's pussy just as she places her hands on Swagger's waist while
his dick is in her mouth.

"Mmmmmmm!" Eve moans around Jack Swagger's cock upon feeling The Miz firmly
thrust his cock into her tight pussy from behind as she stands and is bent
over. Eve closes her eyes and gently holds onto Swagger's muscular waist as
she smoothly bobs her head, sucking on his All-American cock.

"Ahhh yeah... mmmm..." The Miz grunts as he firmly pumps his cock in and out
of Eve's tight pussy as he grabs hold of her waist. Jack Swagger smirks as
Eve continues to bob her head at a steady pace even as The Miz fucks her.
Eve's sultry and pouty lips brush back and forth on Jack Swagger's long shaft
as she continually moves her brunette head on his cock, slapping her tongue
perfectly against his shaft while she rocks back on her feet against The
Miz's toned waist and his thick, deeply thrusting cock.

"Ahhhh shit.... ahhh..." Jack moans as Eve smacks her tongue against his cock
as she swiftly lifts and lowers her head on his dick. The Miz pulls Eve
backwards as he continues to drive his fat cock deep into her pussy.

"Mmmmmm! Ohhhhhh!" Eve lustfully moans on Jack Swagger's cock as she lowers
her head further down on his long shaft, holding him deep within her wet, hot
mouth while The Miz deeply slams his cock into her tight pussy.

"Ahhh ahhhh.... awww..." The Miz grunts as he slams every inch of his cock in
Eve's pussy as she rocks back and forth between him and Jack Swagger. Swagger
grits his teeth as Eve deep throats his cock with ease. Eve lifts her
beautiful and seductive eyes as she holds Jack Swagger's cock deep inside her
mouth and lustfully glances up at the All-American American as she begins to
lift her head from his cock.

"Ahhhh look at that... she's already tired of your little dick..." The Miz
laughs as he keeps pumping his cock into Eve's pussy.

"She wants me to fuck her..." Jack Swagger snaps at The Miz. Eve bites down
on her bottom lip and nods her head as she keeps her hands gently on
Swagger's muscular waist while her curved, gorgeous body is pulled back
against The Miz and his deeply penetrating cock.

"Yeah right... I can pull out of Eve right now and she wouldn't turn around
for ya..." The Miz smirks as he proceeds to pull his fat cock out of Eve's
pussy. Jack Swagger doesn't wait to take advantage because he lifts Eve up
and lowers her onto his long, hard shaft.

"Ohhhhhhh!" Eve moans loudly and grits her teeth as her body is suddenly
lifted into the air before being dropped down firmly on Jack Swagger's cock.
Eve wraps her smooth, gorgeously tanned legs around Swagger's waist and
starts to bounce on his cock as he drives his shaft upward.

"Ahhhh... ohhhh fuck...' Jack Swagger smirks as he bounces Eve up and down on
his pistoning cock.

"You ain't gonna hog her..." The Miz says as he glares at Swagger before he
steps behind Eve. The cocky United States Champion proceeds to push his thick
rock hard cock into Eve's asshole.

Eve places her hands onto Jack Swagger's perfectly tanned and muscular chest,
lightly digging her fingernails into his chest as she feels The Miz's cock
entering her tight asshole as she now sandwiched between the two arrogant RAW
Superstars "Ohhhhhhh! Shit!"

"Ahhh yeah you like that... yeah you like how awesome I fuck that ass..." The
Miz smirks as he quickly speeds up his thrusts as he pounds Eve's asshole.
Jack Swagger has his hands underneath Eve's legs as he thrusts his cock
swiftly into her pussy.

"Ohhhhhhh...ohhhhh..." Eve moans lustfully and leans her head back slightly
as she bounces swiftly between The Miz and Jack Swagger as she feels both
cocks ramming deeply into her ass and pussy.

"Mmmmm... ahhhh.... aww..." Jack groans as he deeply pumps his cock in and
out of Eve's pussy. The Miz licks his lips as he places his hands on Eve's
waist and he lifts her up and down as he continues to ram his fat cock into
her asshole.

"Ohhhhhhh! Ohhhhh yeah!" Eve moans as she moves her hands against Jack
Swagger's muscular chest to his strong shoulders as she bounces on his cock
in her wet, tight pussy while The Miz hammers his cock into her ass.

"Ahhh awww take that cock... ahhh yeah..." The Miz grunts as he keeps
thrusting his cock in and out of Eve's ass. Jack grinds his teeth together as
he rapidly thrusts his cock into Eve's pussy and then he suddenly pulls out
of Eve's pussy in order to pull her away from The Miz.

Jack Swagger puts Eve on the ground, turns her around and smirks at The Miz,
"She prefers taking my All-American American cock..." Jack says before he
kneels behind Eve guides his long stiff shaft into her pussy.

Eve bites down on her bottom lip and closes her eyes as she suddenly rocks
forward on her knees on the floor, feeling the long shaft of Jack Swagger
slamming deeply into her pussy from behind. "Ohhhhh Jack..." Eve moans.

"Ahhh... yeah... mmmm..." Jack grunts as he swiftly thrusts his cock in and
out of Eve's wet pussy.

"Jack don't flatter yourself..." The Miz says as he guides his fat cock into
Eve's warm mouth.

"Mmmmmmm! Gahhhhh!" Eve Torres moans and groans as The Miz forces his cock
into her wet mouth with her pouty lips immediately locking around his shaft.
Eve begins to smoothly bob her head on The Miz's cock, while she rocks back
on her knees, guiding herself back against Jack Swagger's All-American
American cock.

"Ahhhh yeah Eve... mmmm..." The Miz moans as he puts both of his hands on
Eve's head as she bobs her head on his cock. Swagger has his hands firmly
placed on Eve's lower back as he repeatedly slams his cock balls deep into
her pussy.

"Mmmmmm...mmmmm..." Eve moans as she bobs her head perfectly on The Miz's
cock, slapping her wet and soft tongue against his shaft while she turns her
head slightly and lowers her head further down on his cock. "Mmmmmm..." Eve
groans as she grinds her juicy, sultry ass back against Swagger's muscular
waist as he pumps his long shaft into her pussy from behind.

"Ahhhh.... awww.... ahhhh..." Jack Swagger grunts and groans as his cock
begins to throb as he keeps pumping it in and out of Eve's tight wet pussy.
The Miz tilts his head back and starts to thrust his cock into Eve's mouth as
she keeps sucking on it.

"Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm!" Eve moans, grinding her lips on The Miz's cock as she turns
her head smoothly on his cock, wetting it perfectly with her saliva.

"Yeah... ahhh yeah..." The Miz moans as he smoothly fucks Eve's mouth his fat
and now throbbing cock.

"Ahhhh... aww.... ahhh...." Jack Swagger grunts as he starts to cum inside of
Eve's hot pussy. Eve moans as she feels Jack Swagger's warm cum blast into
her pussy as he thrusts his shaft in and out of her tight snatch. Eve
seductively and slowly rocks back on her knees as she pushes back against his

"Ahhh... mmmm..." Jack moans as he slowly pulls his cum spent cock out of
Eve's pussy and The Miz smirks when he sees it.

"HA! Yeah... I'm AWE-SOME!" The Miz laughs as he continues to move his cock
in and out of Eve's warm and wet mouth at a quicker pace.

"Mmmmmm...mmmmm..." Eve moans as she bobs her head steadily on The Miz's
cock, tapping her soft tongue against the thick shaft of his cock.

"Ohhh yeah..... ahhhh... mmmmm fuck!" The Miz groans as he starts to cum
inside of Eve's mouth.

"Mmmmmmm!" Eve groans as she lifts her beautiful, seductive eyes and glances
up at The Miz as she turns her head on his cock, tasting the warm cum flowing
into her eagerly accepting mouth.

"Ohhh yeah.... ahhh you know who's AWESOME... me... THE MIZ!" The Miz groans
as he fills Eve's mouth with his jizz.

"She liked me a lot than you..." Jack Swagger says.

The Miz smirks, "Mmmm she still has my dick in her mouth..." The Miz replies

Eve slowly pulls her head away from The Miz's cock and raises an eyebrow as
she glances up at The Miz and Jack Swagger. "Actually..." Eve begins to say.

"Yeah?" The Miz and Jack Swagger both ask as they look down at smoking hot

Eve presses her pouty lips together and sits up onto her knees as she looks
up innocently at The Miz and Jack Swagger "I'm not interested in either of
you...neither one of you are my type..." Eve says with a slight shrug of her
shoulder "And...I kind of have my eye on someone else..."

"What?!" Jack Swagger asks as his jaw drops.

"WHO?!" The Miz asks as he seems a bit madder than Swagger.

Eve blushes a bit and smiles "Well after his performance tonight...I can't
help my feelings for Chris Masters..."

"MASTERS?!" Swagger and The Miz both shout as Eve pulls up her black bottoms
and adjusts her top.

"He's nothing!" Swagger yells.

"He's a hack!" The Miz adds as Eve walks away from both of them. The Miz
looks at Swagger, "This is all your fault!"

"My fault?! I was going to make my impact with her and you got involved!"
Swagger yells at The Miz.

The Miz glares at Swagger before yelling, "After fucking you it's no wonder
she's interested in that muscle head!"


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