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Warnings: Male/female sex,strong language,graphic violence

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Joanie Laurer(Chyna)/m

Summary: At a Playboy magazine photo shoot, Joanie Laurer suddenly falls
asleep, only to wake up in a world of sword and sorcery.
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Joana, Queen Of The Barbarians
by Andrew Troy Keller (atk440@aol.com)

You know, I do believe that it was the late Christopher Reeve who was able
to make time travel by way of sleeping a possiblity in the fantasy movie
entitled SOMEWHERE IN TIME.

That--of course--has gotten me to thinking on this idea: What would happen
if such a method has been used by someone in the real world?

In order to answer that question, all I could do is go ahead and tell this
story that I'm writting, which had began on the day of a photo shoot for the
January 2002 issue of a men's magazine known as PLAYBOY.

One of the magazine's photographers, Arny Freytag was taking the photos of
a woman who is such a unique specimen whose name just happens to be Joanie
Laurer, the hot-looking babe who was once known as Chyna of the World
Wrestling Federation, or the WWF for short.

Just then, after he had shot the last photo of a nude Joanie in a setting
that should've been in the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie entitled CONAN THE
BARBARIAN, he had told her to go ahead and get some rest, while he goes
into the darkroom and develop the film.

And so, after Arny had walked into the darkroom and closed the door, Joanie
had let out a yawn, closed her eyes and gone to sleep.

But then, after she had felt someone placing his hand on her naked thigh, a
startled Joanie had quickly opened her eyes and moved herself off of the
throne to see who it was who had touched her.

But after she had done that, the look on Joanie's face has changed to that
of utter confusion, for she had noticed that it was someone who was dressed
up as a grand viser who had lowered his head in shame and said, "Please,
Queen Joana. Forgive your most loyal servent for the intrusion, but your
gallant troops are prepared for your inspection."

And then, after she had looked around the room and realized that she wasn't
in California anymore, Joanie has decided to go along with the act, turned
towards the viser and said, "Of course. By all means, allow them to enter."

Just then, after Joanie was able to use a bearskin cloak to cover up her nude
body, the viser has returned to the throne room, along with a thousand men
who had looked like they had indeed came out of the imagination of Robert E.
Howard himself.

Then, after she had looked at all of the troopers and noticed that one of
them has gotten such a hungry look on his face, Joanie had turned towards the
viser and said, "They are all indeed the finest warriors within this very
kingdom. All of them may leave, except for the one with hunger in his eyes.
He remains."

And then, after the viser and the rest of the warriors had left the room,
Joanie had looked at the remaining warrior and asked, "Who are you, noble
warrior?"

"I am known as Sorbo, your majesty," answered Sorbo, after he had slowly
moved himself over to Joanie and caused the bearskin cloak to drop off of
her bare shoulders and down on the floor. "And even though you are just as
fierce a warrior as all of the others, I know that you are indeed a woman."

But then, after he had noticed that she was trying to reach for a nearby
sword, Sorbo had grabbed his dagger, forced Joanie against a wall, placed
the dagger against her cheek and said, "Now, my queen. What is it that is
going through your mind at this very moment?"

"You are planning on killing me with your dagger...and yet, you are unable
to do so," answered Joanie, while she was giving Sorbo such a long, hard
stare. "So, now what are you going to do, barbarian?"

The answer to that question had came soon enough, for after he had removed
all of his clothes and the newfound lovers had placed their nude bodies on
their floor, Sorbo had started licking all over Joanie's body--all the way
down to her hot, wet pussy.

"Aaaahhhh, yes! You are indeed such a truly equiped warrior!" said Joanie,
while Sorbo was carressing her firm breasts. Oooohhhh, yes! That's it! Do
it, Sorbo! Touch me! Touch me there! Suck my wet pussy dry! Aaaahhhh!"

And then, at that moment, Joanie had suddenly realized that she was
experiencing something that she hadn't experienced within another era of
time before, for she was experiencing pure, untamed erotica--and enjoying
every minute of it.

A few minutes later, after Sorbo had placed his stiff cock inside Joanie's
asshole, he had used each of his hands to carress both her breasts and pussy.

"AAAAHHHH, YES! THAT'S IT! DO IT, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!" yelled a
sexually-energized Joanie. "FUCK ME! I REALLY WANT YOU TO FUCK ME! RAM IT
ALL INTO ME! MAKE ME WANNA CUM! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

And then, after they've started moving harder and faster and their lovemaking
had reached its final path to the next kingdom, the two lovers had cum and
collapsed due to exhaustion.

After they were both able to finally catch their breath, Joanie had placed
her head on Sorbo's chest, took a deep breath and said, "So, mighty warrior.
What do you think of your queen now?"

"The answer to that question is quite simple, my queen.", answered Sorbo,
after he had placed his gentle hand on her head. "I have noticed that my
queen is the most beautiful warrior that I was able to place my staff
into."

But then, after they've snuggled up to each other and just as they were about
to fall asleep within their naked arms, the viser had suddenly barged into
the room and said, "Please forgive this intrusion, your majesty. But I have
recieved some terrible news from the border guards. The dreaded sorcerer
Scorpoloch has gathered a mighty army and wishes to use this new army to gain
revenge against you."

After she had heard that, Joanie had gotten herself off the floor, wrapped
the bearskin cloak around her naked form, walked over to the viser and said,
"So, this wizard claims to have a mighty army. Well, we shall soon see about
that. Prepare all of my troops for battle at once!"

Just then, after they were all fully prepared by the viser and his
assisstants, Joanie and her mighty barbarian army had rode out of the palace
and off to face the dark forces of the dreaded lord Scorpoloch.

About a couple of hours later, they were forced to stop by a sound that was
coming from the north.

And when they've turned towards the approaching sound, Joanie's eyes had
grown as wide as saucers and the only words that had came out of her mouth
were, "Holy Fucking Shit!" because she had suddenly discovered just how
massive Scorpoloch's army actually was.

But then, after she had looked at her own troops and noticed that they were
all ready for battle no matter what the odds, Joanie had taken a deep breath,
drew out her sword and yelled, "ONWARD, MY WARRIORS! ONWARD TO VICTORY!"

And with that, Joanie and her mighty forces had charged themselves towards
the wizard's massive army with a lust for their blood in their eyes.

And after the two armies had collided with each other, they've started
swinging their swords at each other like there was no tomorrow.

Then suddenly, after he had looked down from his horse and saw Joanie
slashing her enemies two at a time with her sword, a sinister smile has
appeared on the lips of the dreaded sorcerer, who has allowed a hot
fireball to appear in his hand and said, "Now, the time has come, Joana!
Now is the time for vengence!"

But then, after the evil Scorpoloch had thrown the deadly fireball at its
target, Sorbo had discovered the firery missle heading straight for Joanie,
ran over to her and yelled, "TAKE COVER, MY QUEEN!" before he had placed
himself in the fireball's line of fire, thus causing him to sacrifice his
own life in order to save hers.

Then, after the chared corpse of her beloved Sorbo had landed next to her
feet, a wide-eyed Joanie had screamed bloody murder, kneeled down to Sorbo's
barbecued hide, placed his burnt corpse in her arms and started to cry.

"Oooohhhh, that is so very sad.The mighty barbarian queen crying over the
loss of her foolish lover.", said Scorpoloch, just before he had started
laughing his head off, unaware that Joanie has gotten her blood lusting
sights aimed right at him.

"It is indeed a pity, Joana.You could have been my queen, instead of running
around with your own filthy kind," said Scorpoloch, while making another
fireball appear in his hand. "I am afraid that I have no choice, but to
destroy you now."

But after he had turned towards Joana in order to aim it at her, the sinister
wizard was shocked to discover that she had suddenly disappeared from the
spot where she was standing in, causing him to quickly turn his head towards
the other spots on the battlefield and yell at the top of his lungs, "JOANA,
YOU SHALL NEVER DEFEAT THE MIGHTY SCORPOLOCH! YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN JUST
A FILTHY, SAUCY TAVERN WENCH!DO YOU HEAR ME, JOANA?!"

Then suddenly, without any warning from his own troops, Joanie had sneaked
up on Scorpoloch from behind, took out her dagger, rammed the dagger's sharp
blade right into his voicebox and growled, "NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU
PIECE-OF-SHIT! YOU'RE NOW THE ONE WHO'S NOTHING, BECAUSE I'M JOANA, QUEEN
OF THE BARBARIANS! AND I'M ALSO THE ONE WHO'S NOW SENDING YOU STRAIGHT TO
GODDAMN FUCKING HELL!"

And with that, Joanie had taken her sword and thrusted it right through the
evil sorcerer's dark heart, thus killing the sinister mage instantly.

And then, after she had taken both her sword and dagger out of the dark
wizard's dead corpse, she had raised the two blades up in the air and yelled,
"NOW, YOU SHALL REST IN PEACE, MY LOVE! FOR THE AGE OF SCORPOLOCH IS NO MORE
AND THE AGE OF JOANA, THE BARBARIAN QUEEN IS BORN!"

However, one of the sinister wizard's dark warriors was able to sneak up on
the unsuspecting Joanie and hit her on the back of the head with a wooden
club, which has resulted in causing her to fall to the ground and become
unconscious.

But then, after she had felt someone placing his hand on her forehead, a
startled Joanie had opened her eyes and looked up at the one who was touching
her, only to discover that it was Arny Freytag, the photographer who was
taking photos of her for PLAYBOY's January 2002 issue.

"Are you alright, Joanie? What happened to you?", asked a confused Arny,
after he had helped Joanie get herself off the floor of his studio. "You
look like you were gone for a very long time."

And then, after she had heard what Arny had said and realized what she had
gone through, Joanie had placed her gentle hand on Arny's shoulder and said,
"Believe me, Arny. You have no idea how right you are."

THE END!


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