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READ THIS FIRST!!! This story, like all of the other stories written by us, is a fictional parody, we write these fictitious stories for fun and because we can. The Supreme Court of the United States has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution (ruling occurred as a result of the case "Hustler Magazine, Inc et al vs. Jerry Falwell" in 1988).

Basically what we are saying THIS IS FICTON, it is not true, didn't happened and there's a good chance it won't ever happen!

Now... Kristi and Dice present:

Lita's Hard Ride
by Kristi ( and Frederick "Dice" Casden (

After demolishing Maven in the concession area of the Phillips Arena during the 2002 Royal Rumble, The Undertaker, wearing a black tank top and black biker-styled pants, returns the backstage area where he sees Jeff and Matt Hardy, who distracted him to allow the Tough Enough Season One contestant to drop kick him over the top rope. The reigning Hardcore Champion narrows his eyes and stomps towards the Hardy Boys where he grabs them both by their throats, "You two should've stayed down..." The Undertaker says as he lifts the former WWF Tag Team Champions up and choke-slams them both with ease.

"Ahhhh shit..." Jeff groans as his back hits the floor.

"Ohhhh damn!" Matt moans in pains and clutches the back of his skull as his head smacks the floor when he lands.

"You two little punks are going to learn whose yard this is..." The Undertaker says as he begins to stomp on both Hardy brothers as they try to block as best they can, "In fact... I'm going to make sure you two remember whose yard this is after I get done teaching it to that bitch you ride with..." The Undertaker says as he starts to walk.

"No... leave..." Matt Hardy says as he turns onto his stomach and reaches for the Undertaker's right ankle to grab it.

The Undertaker stops walking, turns his head and looks down at the older Hardy brother. "You are extremely stupid... the other one has the brains the stay down..." The Undertaker says as he turns around and proceeds to pick Matt Hardy up and positions him for his Last Ride Power Bomb. The Phenom then delivers the Last Ride to Matt Hardy by forcefully dropping him on top of Jeff Hardy. "Now stay down, you two interfere and I'll tie you two and that bitch to the back of my ride and drag you across the city..." The Undertaker says firmly before he turns to walk away from the beaten and
battered Hardys laying on the hallway floor.

* * *

In the locker room that was assigned to Team Xtreme, former Women's Champion Lita, wearing a lime-green fishnet top over a hot pink sports bra and baggy cargo pants, is watching the Royal Rumble on a monitor as the door to the locker room is kicked open by the Undertaker, causing Lita to jump up from the metal folding chair she was sitting on. "You want to fuck with me bitch... you want to cost me my shot at going to WrestleMania to fight for the WWF Championship?"

Lita bites her bottom lip as she backs up, "You've changed! You use to be a role-model, now you're just a fucking bully!" Lita yells as the longest-tenured WWF Superstar on the roster approaches her.

"You're going to talk like that to me? Bitch you're in for a world of hurt... but I'm going to give you a get down on your knees and suck my dick like every other whore whose been in this company to earn their spot... or I fucking cripple your ass and I go back out there and finish the ass kicking I laid down on those two morons...taking the three of you out permanently..." Undertaker says with a firm tone, "And you're going to make a snap judgment... before I count to three... one... two..."

Lita's eyes widen as she screams out, "I'll suck your dick! I'll fuck you... I'll do anything you want just don't hurt me or Matt and Jeff anymore!" Lita then covers her mouth with both hands in disbelief over the words that she just spoke.

"So you do have some fucking brains..." Undertake says as he approaches the Xtreme red-headed Diva who glares at him in hatred.

"You are an asshole! I'm only going to do this so that you leave and my friends alone!" Lita shouts as she proceeds to lift up and remove her fishnet top and sports bra at the same time, freeing her large juicy tits.

"You keep acting like that I'll put you through the fucking wall..." The Undertaker says with a serious tone.

Lita bites her bottom lip, "Well aren't you going to strip?" Lita asks, trying not to sound intimidated even as she undoes her cargo pants and lowers them from her waist, exposing her pink thong.

"When I'm good and ready..." The Undertaker says as he stands in front of Lita looking down at her as she steps out of her cargo pants and begins to lower her thong, exposing her perfectly shaven snatch.

"Then how the hell am I supposed to suck your dick?!" Lita snaps as she steps out of her thong before she gets down on her knees.

"When I choose to bring it out..." The Undertaker says with a smirk.

"What?! I said I'd suck your fucking cock! I'd said I'd even fuck you if it means you leaving me and the Hardys alone!" Lita shouts as she grabs the material of Undertaker's biker styled pants

"Is that what you are a desperate whore whose not even going to apologize for her part in costing me my shot at WrestleMania?" Undertaker asks.

Lita grits her teeth, "YES! That's what I am! I'm fucking sorry alright?! I want to make it up to you in the worst way possible!" Lita shouts as she tugs violently on the Undertaker's pants

"That's what I want to hear, cause I'm the dog that runs this yard..." The Undertaker says as he undoes his biker-styled pants which allows the red-haired Diva to jerk them down from his waist, exposing his huge cock.

"Oh my... that... can't be..." Lita says with a shocked look on her face as she gets an up-close look at the Undertaker's massive cock before looking up at the intimidating face of the Phenom and composing herself. "Nice dick..." Lita says as casually as possible as she places her right hand around the Undertaker's cock and begins to stroke it.

"Trying to suck up instead of sucking it?" Undertaker asks with a firm tone as Lita pumps her right hand of his huge cock.

"Hell no! I'm starting to get why you've been an asshole lately... no Diva has been showing you any respect... and believe me... you got mine right here..." Lita licks her teeth as she brings her left hand up to the Undertaker's cock so that she can use both to stroke his hardening tool.

"You're figure all that out?" The former WWF Champion asks while showing no indication that he's enjoying the way Lita is jerking his meat stick.

"It's how I see it... and I've only seen Sara with you... so it's clear you're not getting any..." Lita replies, "But as long as you leave the Hardys alone, I'll give you all the action I can..." Lita adds before she opens her mouth wide and greedily takes the head of Big Evil's dick between her lips.

"I'll consider it..." The Undertaker says without letting out a moan as the former Women's Champion starts to bob her head on his huge cock while she moves her hands from his dick to his waist.

"Mmmmm... mmmm..." Lita moans loudly as she rocks her red-haired head back and forth on The Undertaker's massive shaft.

"Mmmmm..." Undertaker lets out a groan as he watches Lita rapidly move her head on his cock, taking it further into her surprisingly eager mouth.

"Ahhhh.... ahhhhh..." Lita groans on the Phenom's huge shaft as she sucks and slurps on it.

"Mmmmmm..." Undertaker groans lightly as Lita moves her hands to the sides of his legs as she rapidly bobs her head on his cock with her saliva dripping off of his dick.

"Ohhhh... GAHHH! GAHHH!" Lita moans and gags on Undertaker's dick when the head of his shaft his the back of her lustful mouth.

"Ahhh..." Undertaker moans while he grabs the back of Lita's red-haired head with his right hand and holds her head down on his cock which he begins to pump his shaft in and out of her saliva filled mouth.

"Ohhhh! Gahhh! Gahhh! Mmmm! Gahhhh!" Lita groans and gags repeatedly on the Undertaker's massive cock as he fucks her mouth with firm forward thrusts.

"Ahhhh..." Undertaker moans while he fucks the Xtreme Diva's mouth with deep thrusts, that result in his large balls colliding with her chin.

"Mmmm! Gahhhh! Ohhhh! Gahhhh!" Lita chokes between moans each time the Undertaker shoves his cock between her lips.

"Ahhh..." The Undertaker groans as he drives every inch of cock into Lita's mouth and holds it there while keeping her head firmly in place.

"Ahhhh! Gahhhhh!" Lita sounds as if she's about to retch as her eyes begin to water the longer the Dead Man keeps her from lifting her head.

"Mmmmm.... not fucking bad..." The Undertaker says as he lifts his hand from Lita's head, which allows her to lift her head up from his saliva coated cock.

"Ohhhh fuck..." Lita groans and coughs for several moments after having the huge cock of the American Bad Ass nearly being wedged in her throat.

The Undertaker removes the tank top he's wearing and moves to sit on the chair that Lita was sitting on when he kicked open the locker room door, "Get over here..."

"Don't have to tell me twice..." Lita says as she jumps up to her feet and sprints over towards the Dead Man and straddles his lap in order to lower her snug cunt down onto his massive cock.

"Mmmm..." The Undertaker groans as Lita takes his cock further into her pussy but stop half way in order to start bouncing on his dick.

"Ohhhh... ohhh fuck that's way bigger than Matt's dick... I really wish I fucked Jeff more in order to deal with a cock so fucking big!" Lita moans as she slides her hands against the Undertaker's chest as she drops further down on his shaft.

"Mmmmm...' Undertaker groans and smirks as he hears Lita bad mouth her boyfriend as she starts managing to take every fat inch of his cock into her cunt each time she lowers herself on his cock.

"Ohhhhh fuck! Ohhh! Ohhhhh!" Lita moans and tosses her head back as she lifts herself up and down on The Undertaker's huge cock.

"Ahhhh..." The Undertaker moans light and lays his hands onto Lita's thighs as she rapidly bounces on his cock, resulting with her ass loudly and repeatedly slapping down against his legs.

"Ohhhh shit! Mmmmm fuck! Shit that cock is so fucking big!" Lita moans lustfully as she rides The Undertaker's dick at a frantic pace.

"Awww... mmmmm..." Undertaker groans as the former Women's Champion grinds her cunt down on his huge cock while vigorously riding it.

"Ohhhh awww fuck... ohhhh! Ohhhh!" Lita moans as sweat starts to drip down her body as she keeps up her relentless pace of fucking herself on the Undertaker's dick.

"Mmmm..." Undertaker moans as Lita wildly bounces on his massive cock.

"Awww ohhh... mmmm shit!" Lita groans whorishly as she bounces nonstop on his the Undertaker's massive shaft.

After moving his hands to Lita's waist, The Undertaker stands up from the chair and begins to thrust his cock in and out of her pussy.

"Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Fuck!" Lita screams as she wraps her legs around The Undertaker's waist as he fucks her while standing. The Xtreme red-head looks down at the floor and licks her lips, "Ohhhh shit never been held this high up before!"

"Ahhhh... awww..." The Undertaker groans while he drives every inch of his cock into Lita's cunt.

"Ohhh! Mmmm fuck! Ohhhhh!" Lita moans as she leans back with her head tilted back as the Undertaker rams his cock into her snatch.

"Ahhh...yeah bitch... fucking worth it to you ain't it..." Undertaker grunts as he slams his cock into Lita's soaking wet pussy.

"Ohhhhh fuck! I don't give a fuck... ohhhh just keep fucking me!" Lita groans lustfully as she bounces on Undertaker dick while he holds up and pounds her cunt.

"Mmmmm ahhh..." The former head of the Ministry of Darkness grunts while he slams his cock into Lita's pussy.

"Ohhh! Ohhhh fuck! Mmmm shit!" Lita moans as she shakes her head, swinging her head and tossing her sweat soaked red hair wildly as the Undertaker pounds her cunt.

"Ahhh... ahhhh..." The Undertaker groans as he continues holding up the former Women's Champion while he pumps his cock into her.

"Ohhhh shit ! Ohhhh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Lita moans as her pussy constricts sharply on the Undertaker's pistoning cock as she starts to cum.

"Mmmmm..." The Undertaker moans and smirks at the sweat coated Diva trembles in his grasp as she violently climaxes on his thrusting shaft.

"Mmmmm shit... ohhhh ohhhh!" Lita moans as her climax gradually subsides while her body goes limp.

"Don't think I'm done with you bitch..." Undertaker says as he lifts Lita off of his cock and drops her on the floor.

"Ohhhh..." Lita groans as she lands on the floor with a thud. The Undertaker uses his right foot to push Lita so that she is laying on her stomach before he sits down on the metal folding chair. The Dead Man leans forward, grabs Lita by her waist and pulls her up between his legs. With Lita limply bending over, Undertaker holds her still with one hand and uses the other to guide his cock between her ass cheeks and into her rear entrance.

"Mmmmm fuck..." Lita whimpers as her asshole stretches to accommodate the Undertaker's massive cock pushing into her while her legs buckle noticeably.

"Ahhhh.." The Undertaker groans as he firmly grabs hold of Lita's his as if grabbing the handles of his motorcycle and begins to pump his cock in and out of her asshole while being seated on the chair.

"Ohhhh.... ohhhh... fuck..." Lita moans as her ass is being fucked and if it isn't for Undertaker holding her up, she would be falling forward.

"Ahhh mmmm..." Undertaker grunts as his increases the pace and force of his thrusts as he pounds the ass of the Xtreme Diva while her body is limply flailing as he keeps her on her feet.

"Ahhhh... ohhhh..." Lita groans as her entire upper body hangs down, swaying and moving only thanks to the Undertaker's constant thrusts into her asshole.

"Ahhh... ahhh..." The Undertaker groans as he plows every inch of his cock into Lita's asshole.

"Ohhh mmmm ohhhh..." Lita moans as the Undertaker's thrusts become more forceful as his cock starts to throb while her eyes start to roll back in her skull.

"Ahhhh... aww..." The Superstar from Death Valley grunts as he remains seated while holding Lita up by her waist as he pounds her asshole.

"Ohhh... ohhh... awww..." Lita groans as her body jolts forward on her feet with each of Undertaker's thrusts.

"Ahhhhh awww... ohhhh...." The Undertaker grunts as he starts to cum inside of Lita's asshole.

"Mmmm... ohhh..." Lita moans as she feels the Undertaker's jizz flowing into her asshole.

"Mmmmm fuck... ahhh..." The Undertaker groans as he holds his cock inside of Lita's asshole until he's done cumming inside of her. The former WWF Champion shoves Lita forward off of his cock, causing her to collapse on the floor. The Undertaker stands up and looks down at Lita "I'll leave you and those disrespectful punks alone, but the three of you get in my way again, I'll put you all into a hospital permanently."

Lita slowly raises her head up from the floor and looks back at the Undertaker, "Mmmm I can... respect that..."


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